Monday, 15 August 2016

Female Agincourt

The men are away at battle in France, but life for the women goes on

Margery Well the men are away, playing at war!
Cecily As they are want to! They go off and kill eat other, we stay at home raising the next generation of warriers.
M Who will al lwant wash and feeding.
C And teaching to speak like the Lord
M Oh very posh – 'talk like a Lord'. Could be worse, you could talk like a King – Henry has a stutter you know.
C No I didn't! He kept that a secret.
M No 'No-o-o I-I-I did no-not'. That will not be recoirded in the History books.
C It might – we still know how the Romans built up-air roads for water – viaducks.
I bet you have even eaten meat you! A right lady
M Only the scraps, as I clear the Lord's table. All slash at rhr roast joint – meat and gravy goes everywhere.
C I have been thinking of lying down, and let the gravy drip into my open mouth.
M Join the queue – that is a Minstr's perk.
C What are we going to do now all the Minstrels are at arms?
M Women saveteh day. The Minstrel's wife can play the harp – she learned to keep the Lord's children quiet.
C There's handy. Mark my words, one day all holes will have a Mintrel in a box!
M But we will need to feed it, and change the litter tray.
C well no ideas perfect.
Avice What is the Wenche's Forum talkngi about today. Whether any of our men will ever return alive.
M No important stuff – like music and meat.
A Music and meat – don'tthe words sound grand.
C We have got the Minstrel sorted.
A How? Are we going to imprison the next wanfering minstrel that chances this way?
M Better than that, we will keep one trappeped in a box
C Seriously, the Minstrel's wife plays harpsicord, to keep the children quiet.
A So she will fit in the box – you have checked?
C No silly, she wanders free around the Hall, and she will play at night, in exchange for meat in her diet.
M That gives me an idea – while the Lord is away, e can all eat meat. Flin the pig will be only too happy for us to kill and roat him.
A He has said?
C What are you – a witch? Hge ony ltaks French.
M That is decided then, in solidarity with our men, the big must die. We can write it up in a book. No 1984 in the library room.
A Reading and writing is dangerous stuff. I was going to use the man's anscense as a chance to learn to read – before the Lord uses them books as kindling to start a fire.
C Bet place for it – ni a fire. Look at the Roman's, built all those buildings and still died.
M It is true, larning kills. But it is how man built town and cities – there si no way back.
C But the builder has the knowledge
A Or the house falls down.
M Well it is my intention to learn to read, while the man are away.
C Not to write?
M Too hard – and only the Monks know how. And they are like God's. Where as I am just a weak and feabel woman. As the good Queen Bess will say in another century.
A So our men are to die?
C Now they have bodkins.
A Are they like nice hats?
C No, they are armuour piercing arrows. The first bti hits the armuor, and spreads out – punching a hole in the armour.
So the rest of the arrow goes right on through, and kills ther knight.
M So a wall of arrows will kill the Frecnch knights. The Lord calls it the world's first weapon of mass destruction.
A He has never met my mother in law! Her tongue...
C So our men might live.
M Onyl the best. But after the battle, all those French grils – with no morrals.
C Luckily only the Lord can spek French. So you see Avice, we will win.
M Or die trying.

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